I've come to realize that I'm afraid--afraid of people leaving me. So sometimes I leave them first. And I suspect I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Sometimes we leave, physically-- leave the city, quit the club, withhold support, step back from membership, and go away. Other times we don't actually go away, but withdraw mentally or emotionally, or relationally. When others begin to withdraw from us there is a powerful temptation to leave first-mentally, emotionally, relationally, and even physically.

Leaving happens! When it happens for good and healthy reasons, we can celebrate it. When someone we love pursues a new opportunity and they move away, it's a sad occasion, but also a joyful one. When a person has clarity about their direction and their future-and that clarity leads them to change the nature the relationship and move in a different sphere-we grieve the change and also celebrate their clarity. Or when an intimate relationship reaches its end and two people, or a person and an organization, part ways and there is a clear opportunity for new birth and new life, we need to celebrate that.

But there are times when leaving, withdrawing, or even withholding comes from a fearful effort to be safe or secure by limiting demands on our time, our energy, our resources, or even our emotions. Please note that not all efforts to limit demands on our time, energy, or resources are fearful. Some are very healthy! But we can distance or disappear trying to protect ourselves and succeed in short circuiting the generative tension that can lead to a deepening of relationship and a newness of life.

Or we can choose to stay--physically present. Perhaps more important, we can choose to remain mentally connected, emotionally in touch, and relationally available. No one can really know whether our leaving is a reaction to fear or a faith choice to grow. In my experience, it's often some of both. That's our call to make, though others can help us in the discernment process. And when we're connected, in touch, and available, there tends to be less fear around people leaving us. And we're more connected, in touch, and available to ourselves and the sacred Spirit who lives in us.

Thanks for continuing to bless me as we journey together.
  
Jack Price

Return to the Enotes index