March 7, 2004
By Jack Price

Jesus did not have the best experience with friends.  With them, there were more than a few misunderstandings, some denial, and a significant betrayal.  He was surrounded by people giving him advice and guidance.  There were undoubtedly always people around seeking his ear, telling him what he needed.  At times, he must have felt like a new NFL #1 draft choice or the latest winner on American Idol!

Every day, Jesus was challenged to be in relationship with others and yet to remember his own identity, to be guided from within himself.  The Gospel accounts of how Jesus related to all sorts of people, especially challenging ones, can teach us a great deal about our relationships.

We read that a group of Pharisees came to warn him about Herod.  These Pharisees actually seemed to be friendly toward Jesus.  There were several Pharisees, notably Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathaea, who may even have believed in him. 

This group of friendly Pharisees came to warn Jesus about the danger he was facing from King Herod.  They advised him to run away.  These Pharisees seemed to have Jesus' best interest at heart.

Jesus' response was to show contempt for Herod.  He called him a "fox."  The sense of the original language is in the feminine tone.  Jesus essentially calls Herod a "vixen," with all that would have implied in that culture. 

Herod did post a real danger to Jesus' safety.   He was a ruthless tyrant and Jesus might well have felt some fear.  Jesus' fear of Herod, however, was nothing compared to his concern to be faithful to God, to his mission, and to his message regardless of the consequences.

We read that Jesus said,

Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem.

Jerusalem was the heart of Jewish faith.  There was the home of Temple where people would embrace or reject him, his mission, and message.  Jesus was not seeking martyrdom, though he must have known it was likely.  He chooses not to run from the  consequences of his life's choices.  His own words speak to his choice, "Blessed are you when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake.  So persecuted they the prophets.." 

Jesus was focused on own path.  He was not distracted by the anxiety of even friendly Pharisees.  He was not deterred by the threat from Herod nor the danger of Rome.

            We read that Jesus said

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it!  How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!

"Caring [can be] a black hole," says Rabbi Edwin Friedman, the guru of systems theory for church and synagogue.  You can never care enough, not to satisfy some.  There are those who manipulate by a constant need for you to care more.

Jesus cared about Jerusalem and about his people.  We care about those we love and the things we value.  Not to care is to be distant and disconnected.  It is the opposite of love.

God cares.  It is obvious Jesus cares.  He longs for Jerusalem, for his people to come his him, to be gathered, nurtured, and embraced.  But Jesus' identity is not dependent on people's response.  His direction did not depend on their acceptance and,  so, he threatens the Jewish establishment.   His independence threatens Herod and the Romans.  His message and mission undermines the source of their power.  So they killed him.

We read -

See, your house is left to you.  And I tell you, you will not see me until the time comes when you say, "Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord."

"The house is left to you," but the glory is gone.  The house of the temple is an empty shell.  Jesus allows pain to be.  He embraces the pain of his own path to the cross.  He also allows his people the right to their own pain:  the pain of lost identity, the pain of missed opportunity.

            So, what might all this mean for us?  On our Lenten journey, if we learn who we are by where we've been, we can also learn who we are by what we do.  Jesus' example guides us to learn who we are by how we act in the relational systems of our lives.

People are attracted to Crossroads Church for many reasons.  The most important is our commitment to freedom.  No one tells this congregation how you have to be church!  There is freedom for theological exploration.  There is freedom in self-understanding and life orientation.  There is freedom to be yourself and to be accepted in Christian community.  We acknowledge that we are all on a spiritual journey together. 

We embrace ecclesial freedom with our motto:  "Come as you are."  This means much more than casual and comfortable attire.  It is more than the personal freedom to stand or sit or raise your hands in worship.  It essentially means that it is God who invites us to church.  Who will turn us away?  We are free in the liberty of the Spirit - "Soul liberty."

How free are we really?  Where is that freedom in our significant relationships?  We often feel constrained and constricted in these relational systems.  How free are we as a community of faith?  Where is that freedom in our life together?  Sometimes we feel that our choices are quite limited. 

As human beings, you and I are members of several significant relational systems.  First, there is our family of origin.  This is where you come from.  It is a multi-generational system and gave you your identity and your life expectations, whether you were born and adopted into it.  Congratulations!  You and I have been generations in formation.

There are also more recent influences.  Birth order affects our relational pattern:  as an oldest daughter, a youngest son, or an only child.  Your family script is a way of talking about the expectation you were given at birth that identifies you as a troublemaker or steady and reliable, as a loser or a family savior, as one who tends to  over function or under function.  It can be a scary thought that we tend to be in the same emotional role in all the significant relational systems of our lives:  family of origin, nuclear family, work system, and church system.

Healthy relating is a matter of just a few factors.  First, be yourself .  Be your "self" when stress and anxiety creep up.  Be that that authentic self God made you to be.  Stay true to your inner self despite outer circumstances.  Jesus was a well-defined self most of the time.  In reality, as a person, he probably did it more than the rest of us -  maybe 2/3's of time?  You and I will do well to manage it 1/3 of the time, if we work at it. 

A second factor is to maintain appropriate distance in relationships.  Learning to balance togetherness factors means to be close and connected without being invasive.  It means feeling passionately without being absorbed into someone else's "self".  We are together, one, but I am not you and you are not me.

A third factor is not to be willful.  Pain is part of life.  It may well be a gift from God that lets us know when our skin being burned and also  when  our life choices are not the best.  There is an old tale that God, at creation, actually contracted a little to give people room to practice free will.  In that space, we choose and receive the consequences of our choices.  We owe each other the same gift God gives each of us.

Jesus presents a well-defined self in today's gospel lesson.  He grieves the choices of people, of his beloved Jerusalem.  He accepts the consequences of his own life choices and of his mission.  He also allows others same opportunity.  Jesus affords them and us the same respect.

Crossroads Church has a vision based on freedom.  We recognize the responsibilities of freedom in our congregational life.  There is the responsibility to speak only for ourselves.  This implies that we speak as a "self" - as clearly defined as we can be - and that we speak to the community rather than in the parking lot.  There is the responsibility to participate within the system to let your voice be heard and, even more importantly, to discern the voice of body.  There is the responsibility to be committed to continued growth both for ourselves and for the congregation itself.

You and I, and we together, enjoy the freedom of the Spirit to choose health in our relational systems:  in our families, our work, and our church.  We are responsible for our presence in those systems and how we act in them.  We are responsible to each other without taking responsibility for each others' feelings or actions.  We are accountable for how we relate -- accountable to ourselves, each other, our great grandchildren and our grandnieces and nephews, and to God.

The Gospel is good news and there is very good news in this message.  We can choose.  God created us for relationship.  God made us authentic selves.  Jesus is our example, to care passionately and respect free will without being willful.  The Spirit guides us on journeys with pain, through valleys of tears, to paths of wholeness and peace.